The big gender question…

To find out or not to find out?

When expecting a baby one of the most exciting parts can be finding out whether you’re having a little boy or a little girl. According to research from 2001 reviewed in 2015, 58% of both men and women choose to find out the gender of their unborn baby, with younger parents (<22 years) most likely to choose to find out. This data is certainly accurate in the case of my NCT group, where 5 couples out of 8 knew the sex of their baby before birth.

The choice is incredibly personal and, as with so much in parenting, neither way is the ‘right’ way.

We decided to wait and have a “surprise” on the day of Isaac’s birth and I’m delighted we did this. The excitement of not knowing helped get us through a very long labour and having Dan (Isaac’s daddy) reveal the gender to me made it feel extra special and gave him an important role.

However, this decision did not come lightly. We were back and forth throughout early pregnancy (and up to the 20 week scan!) about whether or not to find out.

Here were our ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ to finding out the gender:

To find out…

  • Being able to be prepared early with some gendered clothes/nursery
  • To help family and friends know what to buy should they wish to get gifts for the baby
  • To only need to think of boys’ or girls’ names
  • To form a bond with a particular baby with a particular name early on

To not find out…

  • Not needing or wanting ‘gendered’ clothing and preferring neutral things early on
  • In case the sonographer gets it wrong (it happens!)
  • To have a surprise at the end of the labour

Part of our reason for not finding out was because this was our first baby. We had no preference at all for a boy or girl.

It is possible we will choose to find out for any future children. This would enable Isaac to get used to having a brother or sister and would also enable us to know whether we need to buy any different things. (Interestingly, the reviewed research also showed that more women wanted to find out the sex the second time round compared to the first.) Having said this, a second surprise may be just as nice! At least we are a way off worrying about this for now!

What are your thoughts? Would you find out the sex of your baby before birth?

6 thoughts on “The big gender question…”

  1. Both of us would want to find out the second time, we did it the first time round as well. Despite knowing we didn’t have a name picked (she was just known as Trooper for her first few days ๐Ÿ™ˆ) and most of the items we bought were neutral.

  2. We are looking forward to our third surprise ๐Ÿ˜€. The girls love that it will be a surprise as well. They are listing the pros and cons for whether they want a little sister or brother ๐Ÿ˜‚

  3. Weโ€™re expecting our third baby and still donโ€™t want to know. Our oldest two like talking about what they think it might be! With our first baby I had a big surprise- like you I had babyโ€™s father tell me the gender and he told me we had a boy (we actually had a girl! ๐Ÿ˜‚) a few complications with me after birth meant it was a little while before the midwife realised heโ€™d been mistaken! Iโ€™ll always have the midwife tell us now!!

  4. I know I only found out a week ago but I definitely don’t regret it. I feel like it’s enabled us to bond with the baby as we now have a name and have already started calling them by it, and it’s just made it all feel more real ๐Ÿ’– we’ve also got gender specific and gender neutral clothes so best of both worlds! However we were lucky to be able to find out the gender with absolute certainty – we got a perfectly clear look at it in the scan! Xx

  5. Oh I love a surprise…. I had a surprise both times and loved not knowing. However I did have the mum 6th sense and guessed correctly both times. I didn’t even ask what the sex my second child was… I already knew. It was announced to the room as if it was a surprise and I just thought ‘well of course it’s a boy!!’

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