From Pregnant to Parent

… what I know now that I didn’t know then

During pregnancy I read all the ‘childbirth’ and ‘pregnancy’ books going and I knew far more about the labour and pushing a baby into the world than how to actually care for it for the next 18 years! When baby did arrive many of my Google searches proved fruitless – there were many things we were experiencing that just weren’t spoken about.

Here are some of the things I have learned about newborn babies that no antenatal class prepared me for.

1. POSTPARTUM BLEEDING

WOW! Sorry but this one deserves capital letters. Perhaps in my naivety or complete focus on delivering a healthy baby, I never contemplated what would be going on for me downstairs following childbirth! I also assumed I’d have the easiest experience ever (not the case after 29 hours in labour and 3 hours of pushing). I went to hospital very unprepared – yes I had the massive maternity pads but the skimpiest knickers to put them on! My stepmum was so horrified when looking through my knicker drawer to bring supplies that she went shopping for some proper briefs for me!

All joking aside, if you’re pregnant now and planning a vaginal delivery please do prepare!

2. Breastfeeding difficulties

I was wholly unprepared for how difficult breastfeeding could be and the pressure I would be under to ‘nail it’ before baby and I were deemed ready to go home. Even though I knew some babies were formula fed from birth I always assumed this was out of choice (no wonder this “choice” is so often wrongly negatively judged). Even our antenatal class had us believing the baby would naturally ‘crawl up’ my tummy immediately after birth and latch on perfectly. This was not the case for us and, having spoken to many other mums, not the case for them either.

Please be prepared that breastfeeding is hard, and just because something is natural does not mean it is easy (just like getting pregnant!).

Fortunately for me I have very good milk supply so I am able to express milk for my baby to take in a bottle. Again, this is not always the case so do not beat yourself up if formula feeding is your only option – all new mums understand – it is not always a choice. A well-fed baby is a happy baby regardless of how!

*A note on expressing* – Another thing I felt unprepared for was how weird and often uncomfortable expressing breast milk could be. In the early days while still in hospital the pumping caused contractions in my uterus which were incredibly uncomfortable (similar to early labour) and increased bleeding down below. I also found, due to the hormones that are stimulated, that I would be sat there pumping and find myself in floods of tears (anyone who knows me knows I am not typically an emotional person at all!)

If you intend to express and are able to get a good supply do persevere through this difficult bit as it will soon become routine and the feeling will be less strange.

3. Worry and anxiety

I was very anxious for most of my pregnancy. The early weeks were tough but I also felt superstitious so I wouldn’t buy anything for the baby or set up the nursery until we had long passed the 24 week ‘viability’ point.
All very normal? Yes. What was different for me is that I was convinced the worrying would stop once baby was born.

Oh how wrong I was! The moment I clapped eyes on my beautiful baby and felt that rush of love I knew I would continue to worry about him for the rest of my life and in a more intense way than I did when he was a fetus.

Worry and mild anxiety such as this is normal but remember to seek help if this is keeping you up at night or preventing you from enjoying your baby – this could be a sign of postnatal anxiety disorder.

4. Baby noises and farts!

Another thing I was totally unprepared for was the amount of noises that babies make! Of course they cry, I knew that much, but the other noises when both awake and asleep came as a surprise to us!

I am fortunate to have a very calm and relatively undemanding baby. He self-soothes brilliantly. He rarely cries but he makes so many other noises that I’m awake with him in the night anyway! In the early days we were googling every gurgle and every choking sound fearing for our baby’s life but over time we have learned that these noises are another normal part of newborn development. Now he is 11 weeks old he also chatters to himself which is super cute.

Look out (or smell out!) for the farts as well. Wow! The sound such a small baby can make is phenomenal. Isaac’s wind sets off his sleeping pal, Percy the Penguin, which is rather funny (if irritating when you’re just drifting off!)

I hope this has helped to quell some myths and gives an honest insight into new motherhood.

Do you have any more experiences to add? Please include your own advice for new mums in the comments section!

4 thoughts on “From Pregnant to Parent”

  1. Oh my goodness! When I read this it brought it all back! Leah is right- the focus is always the birth not what comes after. I must say I’m surprised that this is still the case after having my children. I teach a Cambridge National Child Development course and when I invite the midwife in, I ask her to tell the girls all about the postpartum bleeding. They had no idea.
    I remember knowing about the big big knickers and the huge sanitary towels. What I didn’t know was really how much to expect! After one of my girl’s births which was completely natural, the midwife hadn’t checked for all the afterbirth properly. This was a huge trauma for me about two days later, at home and it felt as if half of my insides had fallen out!!
    All new and expectant mums need a clearer and more realistic idea of what this is like! Obviously mine was extreme, but there is no point sugar coating this.
    It’s down to those wonderful hormones that make us fall in love with our new babies (bearing in mind for some this is not always the case, but another issue altogether), that we manage to get through these first few weeks with dignity.
    I will say that it’s wise to know how your tummy will look different and how long it will take for everything to find it’s original place. My students, bless them, thought you had the baby and then your tummy just popped back to how it was before!!

    One more thing….if I had my time again- Kegel exercises (pelvic floor) just do them!!!

  2. So, the birth. I am, annoyingly, one of those mothers who had 4 vaginal births, 3 with no pain relief and no stitches etc and all pretty stress free, and what’s more irritating is that I breast fed them all and had no bottles in the house.
    THIS IS NOT THE NORM for many!!!
    Let me just explain- first baby, I had no intention of breastfeeding for weeks, I thought it was slightly weird before I had children to feed for more than a week, not sure why, but I did.
    How it happened I think was that after a midwife showed me HER way of doing this most uncomfortable, painful thing in the hospital, once I got baby H home, I found the confidence to try and do it in a way that was comfortable for me. That is the key to many things in motherhood- do what is right for you!
    Your instinct for your baby and what your baby needs is unique- again, they are all unique. Even in a large family, siblings will be different.
    If it works, it’s amazing and convenient, etc etc. You will all know the benefits because it would have been drip fed into you at every NCT meeting you go to I would imagine before the baby is born.
    But… I couldn’t get the hang of expressing like Leah does. This meant all feeds for four babies over a few years when I count it all up, were down to me! (I think my breasts look remarkable considering, but again, that’s another topic!)
    Formula milk does have everything a baby needs, yes there’s studies to say they can become more constipated etc but actually, your baby will still THRIVE with formula and that closeness and eye contact to build all those secure attachments and bonds with both parents/caregivers are guaranteed.
    All new mums and mums to be, best thing to do is keep an open and informed mind. Have a go at breastfeeding, but it’s not for everyone and some babies have difficulties due to many other reasons. Your main aim is that whatever you do your baby thrives and you get rid of all that new mum guilt.

    1. Thank you so much for your advice Dyane! Perfect for new mums after you have born and raised 4 lovely daughters 😀

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *